What I can't do: ferns, soil propagation, Latin names
Okay. So we've done water, crust, light, bugs, fungus gnats, my starter list, water propagation, reviving basically-dead plants. New topic, and it's a short one, but I think it matters.
I want to tell you what I'm not good at. Not in a fake-humble way. In an actual, real way, because I think when an instructor only tells you their wins, you start to feel like everyone else in the room has it figured out and you're the only one who doesn't. That's not true. Here's my list.
Ferns
I can't keep ferns alive. I've mostly stopped trying.
Ferns want humidity. Constant, steady, don't-make-me-ask-twice humidity. And our air here is dry. Not "could be better" dry — genuinely, structurally dry. Elevation does it, the climate does it, and running a furnace half the year does it even more. A fern in a house up here is basically living in the wrong climate the second you bring it home.
I learned this one the hard way. I had this idea in my head — a fern likes humidity, right, and humidity is kind of like... damp, warm, cozy — so I put mine in what I decided was the coziest spot in the house, which was the corner right next to the heater vent. That felt right to me at the time. Warm corner, plant that likes warm damp air, seemed logical.
It was crunchy in nine days.
Turns out the heater vent is blasting out hot, bone-dry air directly onto the one plant in the house that needed the opposite of that. I'd basically built it a tiny desert and wondered why it didn't love it there.
Could I keep a fern alive with a humidifier running constantly, or grouped into a terrarium, or in a bathroom with a shower going every day? Probably. Some people here do it and I respect it. But I'm not going to stand up here and pretend I've cracked it, because I haven't, and I'm not currently trying again. If you want a fern, go in knowing it's a project, not a starter plant, and it needs real humidity help, not a hopeful windowsill.
Soil propagation
Water propagation, I love. You put a cutting in a jar, you can see the roots show up, little white threads, and it's honestly kind of magic to watch happen over a couple weeks.
Soil propagation, I don't trust.
You stick a cutting straight into dirt and you're just... hoping. There's no window. You can't see what's happening under there. Is it rooting? Is it rotting? You won't know until you tug on it gently three weeks later and either it resists you, which is good, or it just slides out, which means it did nothing that whole time and you didn't know.
Some people are great at this. They've got a sense for the soil moisture, they know exactly when to check, they've done it forty times and have a feel for it now. That's not me yet. I still do water first, get roots going where I can watch them, and only then move things to soil once there's already something down there to work with. If soil propagation is your thing, go for it. I'm just not going to teach it to you like I know what I'm doing, because I don't, fully.
Latin names
I don't know the Latin names for these plants and I've made my peace with that.
I call it a snake plant, not a Sansevieria. I call it a pothos, not whatever the correct genus is this year, because apparently they reclassify these things and even the botanists can't agree. If you go to a nursery and use the common name, the staff there know exactly what you mean. I've never once had someone hand me the wrong plant because I said "snake plant" instead of the Latin.
If someone corrects you at a party, that's fine, let them have it. It's not wrong to know the Latin names. It's just not my area, and I don't think you need it to keep a plant alive in your living room. This whole class is about the practical stuff — light, water, our terrible water, bugs — not vocabulary.
Why I'm telling you this
Partly because it's true and I'd rather be straight with you than perform being an expert at everything. And partly because I think admitting a gap out loud gives everyone else in the room permission to have gaps too. You don't have to be good at every part of this. I'm not. I'm good at keeping a pothos and a snake plant and a handful of other tough, forgiving plants alive, and I've gotten decent at reviving things that look dead. That's a smaller list than "houseplants, generally," and that's fine.
Pick your battles. Skip the fern if you're just starting out. Water propagate before you soil propagate. Call it whatever you want to call it.
Before next time: if you've got a plant that's struggling right now, bring it in next class. We'll look at it together instead of you guessing alone at home.